I really enjoyed the setting up of this blog! I think that your spacing of words allows for a great sense of suspense as I read the story. I think that one of the great aspect's of the story is the separation of power. I was thinking this while reading the story and then when I read the Author's note it made more sense why you did so. I think that the army does a great job of showing the seriousness in the ability of stringing the bow. One thing you might try to do in the future is make it clearer who all is speaking. You kind of change person's strangely at times and maybe this is just me but I feel the person could be more constant within the story. Also what if you included an image of the style of bow that is being described in the story? I think this would allow the reader's to become more in touch with what is being described with such importance. Overall great Story!
I like the style of this blog! I love the title with the banner image. It is very ethereal as well as your title. I like how you decided to use a picture of the Himalayas, it seems very appropriate for this course! I like the title "Shiva's Unyielding Bow." The story was very well written and the spacing was a good transitional element. I can not wait to read more stories from this portfolio!
I really like your story and the style of your page. Very simple and clean. I also really enjoyed the first person styling of writing in the eyes of Rama. Great picture of the Himalayas and works very well with the setting of your story. very well done.
Hello! This website looks like a very good start to your semester project. You have a good working title on the home page, but it might be better to make it more specific to your stories once you figure those out to draw the reader in. The picture could also benefit from being specifically tied to your stories, but I assume these are things you will do once you have the project more fully fleshed out. Your first story is well space out and very easy to read and follow. I like your first person perspective telling of the story and think it makes the stories you tell more personal and relatable to the reader. The first story could be longer however, because I came away from it thinking it was kind of light and much more detail could be added if you would like to. Overall, good job and I look forward to seeing how it turns out by the end of the semester.
I found it interesting that you've chosen to write from the perspective of someone completely outside of the main storyline. This will give you a great opportunity to take many creative liberties with your stories without sacrificing the original experience of the characters by much. I think it's a terrific idea.
I'm interested to see what other stories you will be writing about. You are a bit restricted to Sita, which is fine. It might be interesting to see if you could expand beyond spectating Sita. Or maybe you plan on following this one failed suitor throughout all of your projects? Either way, I think a little diversity would be welcome, and that might take a bit of creative elbow grease. Once Rama wins Sita, anyone else would be mad to challenge him, especially after seeing him string that mighty bow. I look forward to seeing where this goes! Great work! Great storytelling.
I like the way you wrote the story from someone else perspective. It was through the perspective of one person who could not string the bow of Shiva. He returns back to kingdom so he can take Sita as his wife by force. Then he starts attacking the palace but before they start his army is annihilated and it was nice to see that if they cannot pick up the bow then they will not win against the kingdom. What if you had shown fight between Rama and the suitor because Rama had already string the bow and now Sita belong to Rama. If you had made that changes to your story it would have change the whole story but it was nice reading your story and I like the way that you are going to write story based on Sita. Make sure you write different parts of the Sita story or otherwise it would be boring to read the same work again and again. I look forward to read more stories in the future.
Hi, Tyler! Right off the bat, your language and use of descriptors engages the reader! It immediately triggers interest and draws me in. I would love to hear the characters description of the kings daughter. Since we did not read this story from a previous suitor in the original episode, I find this to be very interesting! It is so creative for you to completely create your own character. It might even be beneficial to give some background information on this character, maybe what his life was like in Gandhara? Your use of dialogue is very helpful as well. My only criticism is that it is pretty short! I think your story would be even more interesting if it were longer and more in depth. Maybe you could even add some other characters thoughts during this event! Once again, your imagery is spot on! I cant wait to stop back in and see how is comes along. Thanks for sharing your story! Jessie
Hi Tyler. I really liked both of your stories. It is rather unusual to see a story told in present tense, but I thought you did it very well in your first story. Upon reading it, I immediately made the assumption that the narrator was Rama, and we would soon see him breaking the bow, but I actually really liked that it wasn’t Rama. I think adding just a touch more dialogue to this story would make the story more fun to read.
Your second story was incredibly interesting to read. I don’t know if SCP’s are a genre, but I haven’t really read anything like this before. I don’t know if you have ever played the Metroid Prime games, but your format reminded me a lot of those games. When reading, I really felt like you did some research; I don’t know what wurtzite boron nitride is, but adding the scientific material names, speeds, measurements etc. was a really nice touch. After reading your author’s note, I reread your description of the arrow's shriek, and I didn’t get the shock and awe feeling you described; maybe you could add some more details there to really drive the craziness up for the reader.
Hey there Tyler! How are you! Anyway, I just read your first story “Shiva’s Unyielding Bow” and it was really good and unique topic you took to write about the Bow of Shiva form Ramayana for your portfolio because I like how you didn’t have Rama in this story and wrote the whole story from different perspective. I like how you changed the whole ending of the this story because in original story Rama obviously picks up Bow and successfully strings the Bow and even breaks it but in this little story you show something else and I like that because in this story the suitor wasn’t able to pick up the Bow but still wanted to marry Sita but got destroyed by King Janaka. I am Indian and also follow Hindu religion so I know the whole story of Ramayana and you did a good job telling different version of that story and good topic and story.
Hello Tyler. Great storybook so far. I liked your story SCP-5093. This was a really creative way to go about your subject. I really like to log of the mysterious item. You did a good job with all the attention to detail by including the description, experiment logs, and everything else. Everything like having names redacted and security levels made this seem even more official. I liked your interpretation of the source material and would like to see more of this type of creativity. I also like how different it was compared to your other story, which was also really good. I think focusing on the bow is an interesting angle and allows a wide range of creative stories. I would like to see some more details in your stories. I also think that the pictures you used could be improved. I am looking forward to what else you will be writing.
Tyler, I really though SCP-5093 was an awesome story. The way you open it like a recently declassified document was very creative. It felt like an old Manhattan Project log, only with arrows instead of nuclear weapons. The blacking out of the name was a nice touch, and added to the feeling of a classified experiment. I enjoyed to great detail you put into the results of the experiments. The numbers you provided gave a great picture of how devastating this arrow's power is. I like how your Unyielding bow story leads into the SCP story very nicely. It's almost like an archaeologist discovering an ancient weapon and testing its powers. Very cool stories so far. I think you could provide some more detailed description of the setting of your stories though. That wouldbe one thing to look into.
I like your use of descriptive language. You really get a feel for the surroundings through the eyes of the failed suitor. It’s a simple story but the ornamentation of the imagery adds a lot to it. The man doesn’t even attempt to lift the bow, which is interesting to me. Adding to your idea of the king’s reasons for this requirement, I would posit that not only would a man not strong enough to string this bow deserve to run the kingdom, a man who wasn’t willing to try would be even less worthy.
If I could give one bit of constructive feedback, it would be that there was nothing surprising in this story. I would’ve liked something unexpected, perhaps a different path for the tale to take, or an added scene. Maybe something on the origin of the bow, how did it it get there? Or perhaps a moment to show how other characters are reacting to the happenings.
Hey Tyler. First, I just want to say that I love the picture you chose for your title page. The mountains are beautiful. Second, I would make a note that your title needs to be "Stories of the Past and Present." I think that you could make the main page's description into more than one sentence. It looks like a long run-on sentence and I believe that it would make more sense if it were broken up.
"Two assistants push open the gold-adorned doors in front of us and we're bathed in the sterilizing white light flooding forth from the assembly hall." In this first sentence in your first story, "we're" is supposed to be "were."
"As my eyes adjust, I can make out the figure of King Janaka seated at the end of the table, along with the daughter we had all desired the favor of." The end of this sentence sounds odd to me. I think that it could be reworded a little better.
There are a few more small details that can still be corrected. Overall, despite the errors, I was entertained.
Hi there, Tyler! I would like to start out by complimenting your project design. It is simplistic, but all ties together with each image for your pages. I also would like to say that I was a bit scared when I read the title of your second story. It seemed complex and I felt lost from the second I read that UNTIL I actually dove into the story. The formatting you used was so unique and I enjoyed it so much. It really drew me in as a reader and made me feel like I was reading official documentation as you added in the blacking out of words. One thing I would suggest is to maybe add in a few more details to bridge your whole story together and make it flow a bit smoother. Other than that, your story was easy to read! Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Hey Tyler! I am really liking your portfolio so far! I like the perspective you chose to write from for the first story. It is not one we usually get to see, so it is refreshing to see you try to bring a voice to the untold story. I really enjoyed your second story. Weird formats for stories are things that really get me excited. They are incredibly hard to execute well, but when they are, they turn out to be amazing reads. I think yours definitely hits the mark. I thought the blacked-out names was a nice touch. I would have liked to have more of the material redacted, though. I don’t think whatever government lab that was studying this object would want that information getting out. Overall, I think your project is turning out really well! I am really looking forward to seeing it when it is finished!
Hi Tyler great job on your portfolio so far! I really like how you change up the stories, but still keep to the same general idea. For example, showing how a suitor may have tried to wed the kings daughter without picking up the arrow is really interesting and made me think more about the story than before. It definitely added a different side to things. The second story is a lot different from the original, but you wrote it in a really interesting and new way. One thing I would recommend is a little bit more explanation in the second story. I was confused about what part of the story the bow came from when reading the story. I think this could be really easily fixed with some more background. Great job on your first story I look forward to reading more.
In your first story, I really enjoyed seeing Shiva's bow through a mortal's perspective. It gave depth to the story that the original didn't have and made me realize just how daunting a task it would be to string Shiva's bow. This widens the gap between Rama and regular men, showing his might and power clearly. I thought the second story was super cool, it's a different style than most everything else I've read this semester, but it was powerful in explaining the power of Aindrastra. At first, I thought I was missing something but as I continued to read I quickly understood what you were doing. It's hard to do a story like that well, but I think you did a great job with it! I also love your last story, I commented on it from your original blog and reading it again, I think it's such a powerful way to tell the original! The second and third stories seem to match a theme that the first story doesn't, going with the futuristic style, but I still think it was fine since you're doing a portfolio rather than a storybook. I'm curious to see if your next story is also told this way or if it's different entirely! Really great job!
Hey Tyler! Wow I love your writing style. I love how you really get into the heads of your characters and allow us to see from their perspective. It feels very artistic the way we explore their thoughts and feelings. The problem I spotted from your first story is I had a hard time situating myself from the first paragraph. I definitely had two reread to understand who the main character was. I think a lot of the confusion lies in the phrase "My fellow suitors". My suitors implies its the princess talking (they are HER suitors). I understand fellow implies it's another suitor. Just to make it very clear so people feel comfortable with the story right away, I would rephrase it as "The other suitors", "The other suitors and I", "My fellow suitors and I". Just something to make sure we can situate where the min character is and what he's doing. But other than this little vague descriptor, great great job!!
I really enjoyed the setting up of this blog! I think that your spacing of words allows for a great sense of suspense as I read the story. I think that one of the great aspect's of the story is the separation of power. I was thinking this while reading the story and then when I read the Author's note it made more sense why you did so. I think that the army does a great job of showing the seriousness in the ability of stringing the bow. One thing you might try to do in the future is make it clearer who all is speaking. You kind of change person's strangely at times and maybe this is just me but I feel the person could be more constant within the story. Also what if you included an image of the style of bow that is being described in the story? I think this would allow the reader's to become more in touch with what is being described with such importance. Overall great Story!
ReplyDeleteI like the style of this blog! I love the title with the banner image. It is very ethereal as well as your title. I like how you decided to use a picture of the Himalayas, it seems very appropriate for this course! I like the title "Shiva's Unyielding Bow." The story was very well written and the spacing was a good transitional element. I can not wait to read more stories from this portfolio!
ReplyDeleteI really like your story and the style of your page. Very simple and clean. I also really enjoyed the first person styling of writing in the eyes of Rama. Great picture of the Himalayas and works very well with the setting of your story. very well done.
ReplyDeleteHello! This website looks like a very good start to your semester project. You have a good working title on the home page, but it might be better to make it more specific to your stories once you figure those out to draw the reader in. The picture could also benefit from being specifically tied to your stories, but I assume these are things you will do once you have the project more fully fleshed out. Your first story is well space out and very easy to read and follow. I like your first person perspective telling of the story and think it makes the stories you tell more personal and relatable to the reader. The first story could be longer however, because I came away from it thinking it was kind of light and much more detail could be added if you would like to. Overall, good job and I look forward to seeing how it turns out by the end of the semester.
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler!
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting that you've chosen to write from the perspective of someone completely outside of the main storyline. This will give you a great opportunity to take many creative liberties with your stories without sacrificing the original experience of the characters by much. I think it's a terrific idea.
I'm interested to see what other stories you will be writing about. You are a bit restricted to Sita, which is fine. It might be interesting to see if you could expand beyond spectating Sita. Or maybe you plan on following this one failed suitor throughout all of your projects? Either way, I think a little diversity would be welcome, and that might take a bit of creative elbow grease. Once Rama wins Sita, anyone else would be mad to challenge him, especially after seeing him string that mighty bow. I look forward to seeing where this goes! Great work! Great storytelling.
Hi Tyler!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you wrote the story from someone else perspective. It was through the perspective of one person who could not string the bow of Shiva. He returns back to kingdom so he can take Sita as his wife by force. Then he starts attacking the palace but before they start his army is annihilated and it was nice to see that if they cannot pick up the bow then they will not win against the kingdom. What if you had shown fight between Rama and the suitor because Rama had already string the bow and now Sita belong to Rama. If you had made that changes to your story it would have change the whole story but it was nice reading your story and I like the way that you are going to write story based on Sita. Make sure you write different parts of the Sita story or otherwise it would be boring to read the same work again and again. I look forward to read more stories in the future.
Hi, Tyler! Right off the bat, your language and use of descriptors engages the reader! It immediately triggers interest and draws me in. I would love to hear the characters description of the kings daughter. Since we did not read this story from a previous suitor in the original episode, I find this to be very interesting! It is so creative for you to completely create your own character. It might even be beneficial to give some background information on this character, maybe what his life was like in Gandhara? Your use of dialogue is very helpful as well. My only criticism is that it is pretty short! I think your story would be even more interesting if it were longer and more in depth. Maybe you could even add some other characters thoughts during this event! Once again, your imagery is spot on! I cant wait to stop back in and see how is comes along. Thanks for sharing your story! Jessie
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler. I really liked both of your stories. It is rather unusual to see a story told in present tense, but I thought you did it very well in your first story. Upon reading it, I immediately made the assumption that the narrator was Rama, and we would soon see him breaking the bow, but I actually really liked that it wasn’t Rama. I think adding just a touch more dialogue to this story would make the story more fun to read.
ReplyDeleteYour second story was incredibly interesting to read. I don’t know if SCP’s are a genre, but I haven’t really read anything like this before. I don’t know if you have ever played the Metroid Prime games, but your format reminded me a lot of those games. When reading, I really felt like you did some research; I don’t know what wurtzite boron nitride is, but adding the scientific material names, speeds, measurements etc. was a really nice touch. After reading your author’s note, I reread your description of the arrow's shriek, and I didn’t get the shock and awe feeling you described; maybe you could add some more details there to really drive the craziness up for the reader.
Hey there Tyler! How are you! Anyway, I just read your first story “Shiva’s Unyielding Bow” and it was really good and unique topic you took to write about the Bow of Shiva form Ramayana for your portfolio because I like how you didn’t have Rama in this story and wrote the whole story from different perspective. I like how you changed the whole ending of the this story because in original story Rama obviously picks up Bow and successfully strings the Bow and even breaks it but in this little story you show something else and I like that because in this story the suitor wasn’t able to pick up the Bow but still wanted to marry Sita but got destroyed by King Janaka. I am Indian and also follow Hindu religion so I know the whole story of Ramayana and you did a good job telling different version of that story and good topic and story.
ReplyDeleteHello Tyler. Great storybook so far. I liked your story SCP-5093. This was a really creative way to go about your subject. I really like to log of the mysterious item. You did a good job with all the attention to detail by including the description, experiment logs, and everything else. Everything like having names redacted and security levels made this seem even more official. I liked your interpretation of the source material and would like to see more of this type of creativity. I also like how different it was compared to your other story, which was also really good. I think focusing on the bow is an interesting angle and allows a wide range of creative stories. I would like to see some more details in your stories. I also think that the pictures you used could be improved. I am looking forward to what else you will be writing.
ReplyDeleteTyler,
ReplyDeleteI really though SCP-5093 was an awesome story. The way you open it like a recently declassified document was very creative. It felt like an old Manhattan Project log, only with arrows instead of nuclear weapons. The blacking out of the name was a nice touch, and added to the feeling of a classified experiment. I enjoyed to great detail you put into the results of the experiments. The numbers you provided gave a great picture of how devastating this arrow's power is. I like how your Unyielding bow story leads into the SCP story very nicely. It's almost like an archaeologist discovering an ancient weapon and testing its powers. Very cool stories so far. I think you could provide some more detailed description of the setting of your stories though. That wouldbe one thing to look into.
I like your use of descriptive language. You really get a feel for the surroundings through the eyes of the failed suitor. It’s a simple story but the ornamentation of the imagery adds a lot to it.
ReplyDeleteThe man doesn’t even attempt to lift the bow, which is interesting to me. Adding to your idea of the king’s reasons for this requirement, I would posit that not only would a man not strong enough to string this bow deserve to run the kingdom, a man who wasn’t willing to try would be even less worthy.
If I could give one bit of constructive feedback, it would be that there was nothing surprising in this story. I would’ve liked something unexpected, perhaps a different path for the tale to take, or an added scene. Maybe something on the origin of the bow, how did it it get there? Or perhaps a moment to show how other characters are reacting to the happenings.
Hey Tyler. First, I just want to say that I love the picture you chose for your title page. The mountains are beautiful. Second, I would make a note that your title needs to be "Stories of the Past and Present." I think that you could make the main page's description into more than one sentence. It looks like a long run-on sentence and I believe that it would make more sense if it were broken up.
ReplyDelete"Two assistants push open the gold-adorned doors in front of us and we're bathed in the sterilizing white light flooding forth from the assembly hall." In this first sentence in your first story, "we're" is supposed to be "were."
"As my eyes adjust, I can make out the figure of King Janaka seated at the end of the table, along with the daughter we had all desired the favor of." The end of this sentence sounds odd to me. I think that it could be reworded a little better.
There are a few more small details that can still be corrected. Overall, despite the errors, I was entertained.
Hi there, Tyler!
ReplyDeleteI would like to start out by complimenting your project design. It is simplistic, but all ties together with each image for your pages.
I also would like to say that I was a bit scared when I read the title of your second story. It seemed complex and I felt lost from the second I read that UNTIL I actually dove into the story. The formatting you used was so unique and I enjoyed it so much. It really drew me in as a reader and made me feel like I was reading official documentation as you added in the blacking out of words. One thing I would suggest is to maybe add in a few more details to bridge your whole story together and make it flow a bit smoother. Other than that, your story was easy to read!
Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Hey Tyler! I am really liking your portfolio so far! I like the perspective you chose to write from for the first story. It is not one we usually get to see, so it is refreshing to see you try to bring a voice to the untold story. I really enjoyed your second story. Weird formats for stories are things that really get me excited. They are incredibly hard to execute well, but when they are, they turn out to be amazing reads. I think yours definitely hits the mark. I thought the blacked-out names was a nice touch. I would have liked to have more of the material redacted, though. I don’t think whatever government lab that was studying this object would want that information getting out. Overall, I think your project is turning out really well! I am really looking forward to seeing it when it is finished!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler great job on your portfolio so far! I really like how you change up the stories, but still keep to the same general idea. For example, showing how a suitor may have tried to wed the kings daughter without picking up the arrow is really interesting and made me think more about the story than before. It definitely added a different side to things. The second story is a lot different from the original, but you wrote it in a really interesting and new way. One thing I would recommend is a little bit more explanation in the second story. I was confused about what part of the story the bow came from when reading the story. I think this could be really easily fixed with some more background. Great job on your first story I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Tyler!
ReplyDeleteIn your first story, I really enjoyed seeing Shiva's bow through a mortal's perspective. It gave depth to the story that the original didn't have and made me realize just how daunting a task it would be to string Shiva's bow. This widens the gap between Rama and regular men, showing his might and power clearly.
I thought the second story was super cool, it's a different style than most everything else I've read this semester, but it was powerful in explaining the power of Aindrastra. At first, I thought I was missing something but as I continued to read I quickly understood what you were doing. It's hard to do a story like that well, but I think you did a great job with it!
I also love your last story, I commented on it from your original blog and reading it again, I think it's such a powerful way to tell the original! The second and third stories seem to match a theme that the first story doesn't, going with the futuristic style, but I still think it was fine since you're doing a portfolio rather than a storybook. I'm curious to see if your next story is also told this way or if it's different entirely! Really great job!
Hey Tyler! Wow I love your writing style. I love how you really get into the heads of your characters and allow us to see from their perspective. It feels very artistic the way we explore their thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteThe problem I spotted from your first story is I had a hard time situating myself from the first paragraph. I definitely had two reread to understand who the main character was. I think a lot of the confusion lies in the phrase "My fellow suitors". My suitors implies its the princess talking (they are HER suitors). I understand fellow implies it's another suitor. Just to make it very clear so people feel comfortable with the story right away, I would rephrase it as "The other suitors", "The other suitors and I", "My fellow suitors and I". Just something to make sure we can situate where the min character is and what he's doing.
But other than this little vague descriptor, great great job!!